


Don’t Leave Me Here Alone

by jamaisvuz



Series: One Safe Place [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, POV Stiles Stilinski, Second Person, prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 10:34:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20946917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamaisvuz/pseuds/jamaisvuz
Summary: takes place in the nebulous time between s2 and s3a, mostly this is prose, honestly this is really stiles trying to explain how devastated he is over how self sacrificing, how ready for death derek is. enjoy? (psa this was written initially in 2014.)





	Don’t Leave Me Here Alone

You think you love him. You can’t be sure though, love seems too simple for the weight pushing down your rib cage. Too pure for the never ending fear that no matter what you do, how hard you try he’s going to leave anyways.

He might die, he could let his grief eat him up like the monster you swear he’s not, or worse he’d run. Of all the ways he might leave, (but not you, you’re sure that if he left it would have nothing to do with you) the running would be the worst.  


You read once when you were both young and naive (but so full of grief and guilt that you knew you were drowning, drowning, drowning) that love would set you free. You scoffed, you knew love was a shackle from the way your father’s eyes never quite met yours in the same way they used to, (and you hate yourself for it, if you didn’t look so much like her you know he’d look at you again).

You heard when you got older a different definition though. One infinitely more fitting in your world-weary opinion.

“I really don’t know what I love you means, I think it means don’t leave me here alone.”

To you that felt closer to the truth. You knew that feeling of being left more intimately than you’d like to admit. You know you love him, you know that everyone he’s ever loved back went where he couldn’t follow.

You understand that, you wish that he could see that you wouldn’t dream of leaving him alone ever again if you could help it. They’d have to pry your dead hands away from his before you’d leave him.  


(You’d never tell him though, you know how it feels to hear those words and still end up alone. You won’t lie to him. He’s had a rough enough relationship with love as it is.)

You wish he’d let you love him. You know he loves you. No one could miss the unabashed fear in his eyes when you touch his hand, his face, his chest. The cold dread of memorization in his eyes, you know that he fears being left more than you fear him leaving. You see the tremble of his fingertips when he looks at you like you’re already gone.

(You know he’s never regretted anything more than how he couldn’t remember Laura’s laugh anymore, the exact way she’d smile when he told her he loved her. You know in the dead of night when he thinks you’re sleeping that he whispers choked with tears, “I don’t want you to go but I’ll never forget you, I’ve forgotten everyone else because I assumed, but I won’t forget you.” His fingers shaking on the delicate skin of your temple.)

If you could give him one thing, you’d give him that safe space he gave you. That space he carved out for you by his side. You don’t belong, but you belong there.

You wish more than anything else that you had enough magic in your pale fingers to hold his heart together.

(But you think that’s foolish, you didn’t have enough magic to keep her alive and your father whole what makes you think you could ever make his journey easier.)

You hug him as much as you breathe. You love him, you never want him to be alone again. You love, love, love him.

You’ve never prayed to your mother, she left you all you needed from her, you feel her love, even now. You know that nothing she could say would make your father happier or make any of this easier.

You pray to Laura every spare millisecond. You love him, she loved him, she is the moon, you pray.

(You never knew her, not the real her, you knew her body, her wolf, and all the ways she kept him together for all those years but you never knew her soul. You know though, he needs her, you pray.)

You shake, and tremble, you burst, you love him. You hate that you can’t hold him without his heart bleeding into yours.

(It hits you at the worst times, walking to class, holding a door open for someone. The inexplicable feeling of loneliness built from fear that you’re a monster. A beast that preys upon the weak. You wish you could explain that he’s no more of a monster than you. You don’t though. You never do.)

Sometimes you wish you didn’t love him. You wish you could love someone who could love you back in an easy way. You shake these thoughts off, love isn’t easy and he’s your sun, your stars, your everything. You’d love him even if he ran. Even if he died. You couldn’t stop if you tried.


End file.
